i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
whose parrot is this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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