if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
