every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
