It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
