I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
