I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I die, sorry about rent.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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