Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
