i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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