Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
