Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize