you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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