the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
