i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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