are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
