This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
