I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
