I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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