lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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