your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
