I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
