i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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