Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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