Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
