so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
