Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
