Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
