I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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