I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize