Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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