I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
