Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
