Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
