Sry I called you an 8
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
