Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize