i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
