that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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