Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
