How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
