He is an equal opportunity slut.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
