Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
40s are totally the cure
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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