dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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