Soap is not a condiment
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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