Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
