haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
