Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
