The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
