I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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