having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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