So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So much rum. So many feels.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
