dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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