I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
