Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
