Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
