I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
