cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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