when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
