dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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