A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
