my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
