do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
