Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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