need another drink. this is the easiest way
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
