do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
