saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
