Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
