The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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