Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
