we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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