so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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