Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
