when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
