The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
