I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
